I've mixed emotions. If she's kind and genuine I can overlook the fact that she is 15 years younger, only gave birth once, doesn't have wrinkles, and most likely still has perky breasts. If she is catty, and insincere, then I will find it difficult to be in her presence. She has already tried to offer me, via the ex, co-parenting advice. Together, this week, they have tried to prevent me from participating in my daughters special day and, while I don't know their motives or intentions, I think it's safe to say that my feelings, and position as the mother are not a concern.
I know that the fiancé is going to have her parents there as her mother is in the program so I wonder who else I can look forward to meeting. I've thought of every critical thought or comment that anyone could have regarding me and I have to say I feel pretty beat up. Shame on me.
Honestly, I have a ton of thoughts, and feelings about this. I've known it was coming since February and while I wanted to lose weight for the event and be at my best I will be showing up with silver roots and only five pounds lighter. I hate that I'm not able to just let it go. People I've tried to talk to about it don't get it. They think I should just get over it and move on. After all, for several years he's been wanting me to remarry him and I not once faltered in my rejection of him. He's finally moved on...yay. So why does it feel like I'm the one that has been rejected? Why does it hurt that he's found someone 15 years younger? Why am I so threatened by someone who is so blind as to marry someone with a pending trial for domestic violence and assault?
I wish I could answer those questions because I'd share them with you. The only answer I do have is bottom line, I am who I am and this is what it is. I'm there for my daughter and her baptism and that is it. There will be no drama, at least from me, and I will do everything I can to be kind and gracious even though I feel like I'm the one walking into the lions den.
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