"Casting pearls before swine," is what I was doing for several weeks after the marriage of the "ex."The "takeover" was initially slow and then slapped, not only me but my sons as well, in the face. Victim is no stranger to throwing her weight around. I guess I should have put more weight into her ex's statement that it's easier to go along with her than against her.
I offered to meet to get to know each other and when she, figuratively, spat in my face, I answered in kindness. Not until several attempts to build bridges were met with hostility and verbal abuse, on her part, did I finally give up. I now know who she is and the more I learn the less I want to have my children around her.
I've not posted anything because I was in school and it was too much, along with the small claims court, and the kids, and life, and everything that goes along with it. (Forgive my grammar).
Here are the highlights:
- I found out where they were living and when I went at night to get physical address, they called the police on me. Nothing happened as I didn't break any laws.
- Court hearing where Ex pleaded guilty and sentenced to a years probation along with anger management. Victim (I'm changing her name from Victim to Warthog) tried to stare me down...HA! Didn't happen.
- The day of court I began to feel my strength, slowly, return.
- Ex and Warthog started sending me abusive emails.
- My girls want to go over after school on the weekends they're suppose to be with them but Warthog always has a reason they can't come over until Ex is home.
- Week before finals I come home from library at 12:30 a.m. and my son is on phone arguing with his dad who wanted to call police on me for leaving my girls with their 16 and 20 year old sons. He insisted I should have been there.
- Same conversation, Warthog gets on phone and tries to chew him out. Son tells her off. Tells her respect is earned, which she hasn't done. As for his father, strangling his brother isn't how he earns it either.
- Warthog gets Ex to cancel sons phone because he's disrespectful. They first text him and tell him how their good, church-going people, not to let his heathen mother influence him. (They didn't say heathen, they inferred it). He told him he doesn't have a father. This made me sad but ALL of this makes me sad.
- Small claims court. Judge wouldn't even hear my case because I titled our contract as "Amendment to divorce." FYI...don't do that. Now I have to go to family court.
- For both Thanksgiving and Christmas, Ex and Warthog were suppose to have girls entire holiday but darn it if something didn't come up that made that impossible.
- Ex came to get girls for weekend but when he saw me come out with them he took off like a bat out of hell. He then called my daughter and I took her phone. He accused me of a lot of what we both knew were lies and I laughed and said, "I don't know who you think you're talking to but I was there, you and I both know you're lying." He refused to talk to me in person since I blocked his phone # from my phone so I told him over the phone about our daughter having a fever of 103 degrees and hung up.
When I first started this blog I was in a very low place. I have to tell you, that is no longer the case. I'm doing well in school and experiencing success in other areas of my life. I don't respond to Ex and Warthogs negativity because you can't win.
My little girls like Warthog and I don't say anything to them contrary to that. They'll figure it out soon enough and my only job is to protect them and to be the best mom I can be. My boys have figured things out and unfortunately they've no respect for their father, let alone for his wife.
Honestly, I've no siblings or parents to support me or help me in any way. One sister does call on occasion but my father died and my mother doesn't want to hear it. I'm in a new area without friends as well and it's been a year next month that I've been here. What I'm getting to is this. Don't ever give up on yourself or who you are. Never give up on your ideals/standards just because others play dirty. You're worth the fight and just when you think things can't get worse, they do. But keep on going and when you least expect it (sorry but it's true) something amazing will fall into your lap and you'll realize you've been changing your course all this time and now, look at your view.
Life is not perfect. I still get down. I still feel alone. I cry. But it's okay. I'm on the fast track of personal growth and that is worth everything to me. I'm like that little kids who was put in a room with a pile of horse manure and when an adult checks in on him he's digging through it with a big smile on his face.
"What the heck are you doing?" the adult asks in disbelief.
"With all this manure," the replies, "there's gotta be a pony in here somewhere!"
Look for the pony. Don't cast your pearls before swine and definitely hold out for the good stuff because the longer you hold true to your course, the closer you are to your dreams, desires, and joy.
